Disclaimer: It has been brought to my attention that I must tell you to swallow your beverage and visit the restroom before reading this post.
Last night, when I came home from dinner with Ruth, I propped the door open so I could bring the kids in without having to deal with the storm door. Michael insisted that I get him and Carter started screaming. What's a mom to do? Oh yeah! I got them both at the same time.
I set Carter's car seat on the ugly green chair and put Michael down on the floor so I could shut said door. All of a sudden I hear this humming. A broken humming. I started looking around. What to my wondering eyes should appear? A FREAKIN' BEE THAT WAS AS BIG AS MY THUMB!!!!!!! Seriously stick your thumb up in front of you! It was the biggest bee I've ever seen!
I struggle to get a crying Carter out of his seat (while watching the bee) and rushing a tired, cranky Michael back to his bedroom. Once in Michael's room I shut the door. I then realize that all the other bedroom doors in our ranch are open and just asking for the monster bee to infiltrate. I leave Michael's room, carrying Carter, I turn on my bedroom light do a quick search and careful listen then SLAM! Done! On to Carter's room. Same procedure. Light on, search, listen, SLAM! Whew! Back to Michael's room. Say prayers with Michael, finish good nights and try to explain to him that I HAVE to close his door. He hasn't ever slept with his door closed. He agrees, I move to Carter's room to get him ready for bed. I hear Michael crying in the hallway. Oh man!!! "Michael!!! Come in here!" Calm Michael down. Try to put Carter in bed. Direct Michael back to bed. Get Michael calmed and convince him to stay in bed while I go try to catch/kill this ENORMOUS bee. He only agreed because I let him leave his lamp on. He told me to hit it with my shoe so he can look at it in the morning. Leave Michael's room. Carter is beside himself. Calm Carter, get him to fall asleep. Ok. Kids down. Check! Turn on whole house exhaust fan. I thought maybe it could make the hall way and if it bounces off the hall ceiling it could get sucked out the exhaust fan. (Stress logic I guess. It sounded like it could work.)
Ok Bee! It's you and me! "What the heck am I thinking?!?!?!" I can't do much. We don't have a fly swatter. "HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS?!?!?" The ceiling is too high for me to reach and I can't think of anything I can swat it with. I don't want to spray it because it's in the kitchen above my dishes. Oh Man!!! It's circling my fluorescent kitchen light bulb. I can't even throw my shoe at it!!! I have some packages on the couch for me. Maybe I should open them? Ok, I'll open them and wait for that dang bee to come lower or somewhere I can actually do something. Check! Open some birthday gifts cautiously. Constantly looking around and carefully listening for Megabee movement. Oh CRAP! Here it comes! Heebie Jeebies! After some time goes by, creeping about like there is a convict in my house, it lands on my cheap paper blinds. What do I do? Oh, I ran and got a pitcher. Land the pitcher over the monster and against the paper blinds which are pressed against the huge front window. Now what? I start looking around. I could just destroy the blinds but then we would have to buy anew. Lucky for me the coffee table in front of the window has loads of pictures on it. I grab the flattest frame I can find. Slide the frame over the mouth of the pitcher and ... I GOT THE BEAST!!! *Shiver*
I did not let that mother bee go. I wanted someone else to see it!! So I left it in the pitcher, with the frame on top of it and put two boxes on the frame just to make sure it wouldn't move the picture frame. Brian came home and I showed him. He said, "WOW! I didn't think it would be that big!" HELLO!?!?! I told you it was as big as my thumb!!!
In all fairness, I had every right to be scared of a freakin' bee. I do not know if either of my children are allergic to bees and we live an hour away from the hospital. Just saying.
Little Man
